the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Randomize
