Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
