margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
