My brain says no but my pants say off.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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