I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
