College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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