I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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