I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Sober January is a disaster.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
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