There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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