I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
so explain again why im purple
no
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
