Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
