dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Damn victory sex feels great
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize
