We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Randomize
