he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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