so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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