i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
