Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
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