I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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