turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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