Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
