Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
