He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
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