It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
