I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
