"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
