I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
