omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
how does that bad decision feel?
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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