Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
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