fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
