I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
