Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
