i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
