At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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