We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
So much rum. So many feels.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
