It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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