So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Randomize
