So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
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