I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
