have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
