your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
