He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
