found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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