I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
