i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
