i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
