I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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