I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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