We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
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