The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
tequila makes me forget i have legs
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
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