This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
