I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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