I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
