Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
