he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
