Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Randomize
