Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
