I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
