Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize