My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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