im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize