awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
