Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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