omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
