oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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