Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
